Hello old friend

Well, Jeremiah 2-3 is who I am right. It's who I've been for a while.
God starts out by saying

"I remember the devotion of your youth,
your love as a bride,
how you followed me in the wilderness"

And that's all my sweet walk with Christ appears to be anymore, a mere memory. I remember it as well, and to be honest, those were the best days of my life. I say that with discretion for those who read, because I don't desire to offend anyone or give anyone the wrong impression. Circumstantially, I have a lot of pretty great things going for me right now. I'm getting married to my best friend in 2 months. I'm one semester away from earning my college degree. I'm about to effectively restart my life in multiple ways, and that's exciting.

But as amazing as these things are, they cannot and will not satisfy the longing soul. They were never meant to.

God asks me a question.
"What wrong did your fathers find in me
that they went far from me,
and went after worthlessness, and became worthless?"

I'm not saying the things I mentioned above are sinful. On the contrary, they are great gifts. I'm not even saying I'm idolizing these things explicitly. What is certain however, is that I've strayed and I've been straying. I'm in sin. And God asks me, what wrong I found in Him to do such a thing. After all, I started out strong with love. God's asking me a theoretical question that stops me dead in my tracks. What wrong did I find in Him to stop this love?

I don't have a sufficient answer. I don't have any kind of answer. I may not understand God, but this doesn't mean that He's any less worthy, or wonderful. He isn't any less lovely because he's different than me. His perfections still shine. His glory is still grand. God, you confuse me at times. You often baffle me. Your ways are not my ways. But I find no wrong in you. So why have I strayed? That's why I'm stopped dead in my tracks.

The passage continues.
They did not say, 'Where is the LORD
who brought us up from the land of Egypt,
who led us in the wilderness,
in a land of deserts and pits,
in a land of drought and deep darkness,
in a land that none passes through,
where no man dwells?'
And I brought you into a plentiful land
to enjoy its fruits and its good things.
But when you came in, you defiled my land
and made my heritage an abomination.
The priests did not say, 'Where is the LORD?'
Those who handle the law did not know me;
the shepherds transgressed against me;
the prophets prophesied by Baal
and went after things that do not profit.

This passage is once again fairly pointed. God denotes all the great things He's done for His people (and for me). He brought me out of Egypt (bondage). He carried me from a desert wasteland into a land of plenty. One might think in this passage that God might be noting that his people didn't doubt him because they did not question where He was. But I don't think that's it at all. God is actually noting their (my) faithlessness. After God did all these marvelous things for his people, they went out and did their own thing. And their thing was blatant rebellion. They had such disregard for God, that in the midst of their rebellion, they didn't even ask "Where is God?" They had no regard for Him whatsoever in their sin. And this is me. I go on in my sin, without care. "Where is God?" in this passage denotes unbelief. I live as if He's not even watching. I don't even think to ask myself if He happens to see my rebellion.

"my people have changed their glory
for that which does not profit.
Be appalled, O heavens, at this;
be shocked, be utterly desolate,

declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me,
the fountain of living waters,
and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
broken cisterns that can hold no water."

Given the verses above, especially verse 4, this is why we see sin is so exceedingly appalling. No wrong can be found in God, in fact, only glory. He provides for, and delivers his people. He offers, yes, even bestows upon them (me) a great salvation. And they (I) run away. I make my own idols. I direct my worship toward my selfish interests. I look for comfort where there is no comfort. My idols hold no water. Neither do my attempts to justify myself and earn favor with the Lord. Everything I clamor for, my sins, hold not a single drop of water. There is no refreshment. And what makes this forsaking of the living fountain so terrible is the fact that I once walked with Him. I once drank deep. I once tasted. I once infallibly knew that there was no one thing greater than He.
"Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly."
It's all vomit in comparison. Any idol is vomit in comparison.

"Know and see that it is evil and bitter
for you to forsake the LORD your God;
the fear of me is not in you,

declares the Lord GOD of hosts. "For long ago I broke your yoke
and burst your bonds;
but you said, 'I will not serve.'
Yes, on every high hill
and under every green tree
you bowed down like a whore.
Yet I planted you a choice vine,
wholly of pure seed.
How then have you turned degenerate
and become a wild vine?"

It hurts, but not as much as it should when I read this. The fear of God is not in me. How irreverent can I be? How foolish? How dumb? God has done all these mighty things for me, and yet my attitude is clearly "I will not serve". He then talks about becoming a wild vine. My sin is serious. My backsliding is serious. When Christ says "Unless you repent, you will likewise perish", He is talking to me.

Is this passage in Hebrews addressing me?
"it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt. For land that has drunk the rain that often falls on it, and produces a crop useful to those for whose sake it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. But if it bears thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to being cursed, and its end is to be burned."

I can't take this too lightly. If I don't turn away from sin and turn to God through Christ, I will go to hell. I'm not saying one can lose their salvation. What I am saying is this, people can look, smell, and act like Christians. They can be DANG CLOSE. (see the parable of the seed sower) But being dang close doesn't make you one, no matter how close you are. (1 John 2:19).

And here I am again in Jeremiah 2.
"Though you wash yourself with lye
and use much soap,
the stain of your guilt is still before me"

I know I'm guilty, so I try to make myself right before God. I try to do a bunch of stuff, usually punish myself as some odd form of penitence to make myself right. But my efforts are useless. Everything I attempt to do to clean myself, completely and utterly fails. My stain is still bright red before God.

The rest of the passage has stinging language about my whoredom. Perhaps something that stings more than all these is this passage here.
"Yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to me with her whole heart, but in pretense, declares the LORD."

I mean, this sums it up pretty nicely. My attitude is depicted in this here- "But in the time of their trouble they say,
'Arise and save us!'"

I only turn to the Lord when I'm in dire need. His commands and threatenings don't stir me. His love does not woo me. His glory does not enthrall me. His wrath does not motivate me. But when I need something to go my way, or if I'm in danger or inconvenience, then I turn. How disgusting is that?

In fact, he says that I only turn after I've done all the evil I could do. (Jeremiah 3:4-5)
This isn't the heart of repentance. It's nasty whatever it is.

Yet, after all this, Have I written myself off through my actions? NO.
Return, faithless Israel,
declares the LORD.I will not look on you in anger,
for I am merciful,

declares the LORD; I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt,
that you rebelled against the LORD your God
and scattered your favors among foreigners under every green tree,
and that you have not obeyed my voice,

declares the LORD. Return, O faithless children,
declares the LORD;
for I am your master;

I'm not too sinful to be beyond grace. My backslidings can and will be covered, if I only come to Christ. (John 6:37)
I will be welcomed by the Father (Parable of the prodigal son).

Only one problem remain. I don't know how to not turn in pretense. Can a Leopard change his spots? The answer is no. I cannot change. But the God who is there pulls out hearts of stone and gives hearts of flesh. He tells dead bones to live, and they live.
All those the Father gives me will come to me,And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me"

When God says walk to the lame- they walk. When He says see- the blind see. When He says stop- the storm stills. When he says die- the tree withers. And when He says "Come forth you sinner, and live, for I love you and have set my grace upon you"- they live.

My hope is in the great prerogative of God. He can make me new through the accomplishments of Christ. May He grant me faith that clings to Him, while I wait for His salvation. Remember your promises oh God. Do not forsake me, for my only hope is in you through Jesus Christ!

Wrestling with God is worth the limp.

Heart idols. Comfort.

I've heard it said several times that our hearts are idol factory's. Our hearts are naturally prone to wander from the Lord and replace Him with idols. Romans 1 says we have a natural bent to do this- we suppress the Lord in unrighteousness because we think the things we replace Him with will satisfy us more. I've also heard it said that for every idol we make in place of the Lord, there is an underlying "heart idol" manifesting itself.

If you wanted to go down as deep as you could go, a question you'd ask yourself is this one- why do I do the things I do? Many theologians would say there are four reasons why you do the things you do.

A desire for power, comfort, control, and approval.

For whatever reason it may be, my heart idol is conditioned toward comfort. And what ties closely to this is the idea of pleasure. I do what comforts me because it makes me feel good. Or, you could say, I do what gives me pleasure because it comforts me.

Because then, this heart idol exists, I go all other places to give me comfort and pleasure. This heart idol manifests itself in any number of ways. Let's use lust- a common sin struggle for men.

I am most tempted to turn to lust for comfort when I'm down.

Now, it would be a lie to say that turning to lust doesn't offer some amount of pleasure. Truth be told, it does offer pleasure. There is pleasure to be had in sexual things. If I turn to that sin, I turn to it because it's quick and easy and self satisfying.

Lust however, is selfish. It's a distortion of what God intended for good. It's rebellion against Him. These things are evident.

But even if I were to turn to sex in marriage, which is God's healthy and good outlet for desires such as these- If I turned to sex in marriage when I needed to be filled, it would still be an idol.

Is it wrong to desire comfort or pleasure? Not at all.

On the contrary-

The Lord says

"I am He that comforts you." (Isa 51:12)

One of the Holy Spirt's names is The Comforter.

2 Cor. 7:6 says - "God comforts the downcast"

Even more then these references, there are these in the Psalms.

"You give them drink from your river of delights"

"Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere"

"Your steadfast love is better than life"

"There are pleasures at your right hand forevermore"

Clearly, Comfort and pleasure are things that God possesses. They are things found in His character. They are things that God cares about. In fact, these things are so important to God, He asks us this question.

"Why do you... spend your labor for that which does not satisfy?" (Isa 55:2)

The question in effect says, Why in the world are you wasting your time with all of this junk? Why are you spending so much of your time and hard work, looking towards these things which do not satisfy?

Perhaps the entire summation of these great evils could go like this-

Jeremiah 2:13

For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out for themselves broken cisterns that hold no water.

This is the hideous nature of sin- of our heart idols manifesting themselves- God says you've traded my glory for crap. You've traded fullness for nothing.

If only we'd see that God's commands are for our good. Take for example, the command to love your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. This explicitly commands us to not love our own comfort more than God. And what's interesting about all of this is, God says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." (psalm 37:4)

Loving the Lord will bring comfort to your soul. Loving the Lord will bring your pleasure. "He satisfies the longing soul." And God does this through Jesus.

"I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me shall never hunger and whoever believes in me shall never thirst."

Jesus is the end of our search for comfort and pleasure. He gives us rest. He satisfies us with His steadfast love. God's glory shines in His face for us to see. And He has died to make sinners right with God- to give us more than we can ever imagine and all that He gives is in Himself. Eternal life is knowing God the Father and Jesus Christ.

I know what God has in store for me- It is the fullness of Himself. But I'll never be able to imagine what that is like. You'll never be able to imagine what it's like. Taste and see that He is good.

I don't quite understand why I go searching for life outside of Christ. It won't be found outside him. I hate that my search for joy has been outside of him.

Lord, forgive me.

God, I confess that life is found in you.
Lord, forgive me for turning away from you.

A child that's slow to learn and quick to turn away
-Blake.

Help me, Jesus. Please save me, Jesus.

I believe these simple words are at the heart of saving faith.
Help me, Jesus. Please save me, Jesus.
It's the humble recognition that you need help. More than that, you need saving.
It then takes the eye off your helpless self and puts it on the only one who can fill your need.
I'm a wretched sinner. Help me, Jesus. Please save me, Jesus.
I'm weak. Help me, Jesus. Please save me, Jesus.
I believe Lord Jesus. Help my unbelief. Help me, Jesus. Please save me, Jesus.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

-Louisa Stead

The enemy will try casting in seeds of unbelief

So, technically I'm doing this for my own good, but also for others good as well. There are a couple of folks who say they sit in the reformed camp (but really, it's more of a gnostic camp than anything) who have been sowing seeds of unbelief. In fact, what some of these folks have been saying is heretical. Satan and his messengers are crafty. They are liars and deceivers and they will do anything to deceive God's elect people.

Satan can and will do this to weak christians. He will try to do it (and often does) to strong christians. I'm convinced the tool that he uses most effectively is the bible itself. Don't get too bent out of shape when I say that, because it's true. Does anyone remember how Satan used SCRIPTURE when he tempted Jesus in Matthew 4? Let's not for an instant think he's not doing the same to christians today. Scripture is where God communicates Himself and His purposes to us. It's where we go to learn about the fountain, and drink from it. Because satan knows this, he will do anything he can to try and confuse us with scripture itself. So I'm going to give these people the benefit of the doubt. I do believe it's very likely they are believers. I believe it's also very likely that Satan has distorted their thinking with scripture. This can happen (and I would say it's inevitable that it will happen to all christians at least at some point in their life time).

Recently I've heard it stated by some people, that God created sin. The idea should make anyone gasp, but some people are arguing for this and they are dragging people into their misinterpretation and deception. The argument goes something like this. God created all things. Sin is a thing. God created sin.

Before I even get into the specifics, there is a reason why this argumentation is faulty. There are similar passages that use the words "all things". For example, the famous passage "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" If we take that passage literally to the T, I could distort it if I wanted to, to sound like this. "Jesus says I can do all things through Him. Becoming God is a thing. Jesus says all things are possible through Him. That means I can become GOD."
That's just ludicrous.

Scripture always interprets scripture. Romans 5:12 states that sin entered the world through one man. It doesn't say sin entered the world through God.

Well what about satan? What about the devil and his demons (or angels)? 2 Peter 2:4, Jude 6, and Revelation 12 all seem to speak enough about what happened there. But if that still isn't enough, I'd like to introduce one more argument. You see, the reason why I'm writing this is because I am weak. I'm quick to disbelieve how God has revealed Himself. I'm sinful, and if given the opportunity, I will latch on to lies. It's been a temptation to believe this one.
What did Jesus do when Satan used scripture against Him? Jesus used scripture against Satan.

God said in Genesis 1:31 that everything he created is good. This is also mentioned again in 1 Timothy 4:4. Everything God created is good.

The word good in these passages does not necessarily mean morally pure (although it can.) These people will argue (and even rightfully so) that the word good here simply means God approved of his creation. It's like God saying, This is good! I approve! This argument is actually fine.

Habakkuk 1:13 says- Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, And You can not look on wickedness with favor.

Sin is described as an unclean thing: a filthy thing in Isaiah 64:6. Foul and polluted are other words. If God's eyes are too pure to approve evil, then certainly they are too pure to create evil! He cannot look on wickedness with favor! And If God created Adam and Eve sinful: If God created Satan sinfully, He could not look upon his creation with approval! He could not look and say "This is beautiful!"

Now some of you may ask, why is there evil now? That's another question for another day.
Until that time, don't believe everything you hear. Stay in the word, and if Satan (or others) try to deceive you, be sure to fight fire with fire. Use scripture to fight the devil when he uses scripture against you.

I'm doing summer staff 09 (colonial pres). This is my second year, and I happen to be a good deal more excited this year. In fact, I remember typing a blog entry around this time last year stating that I wasn't all that excited and I wasn't sure why. Either way, the scale has tipped in the other direction for 09 and I'm "stoked" to serve. I happen to be the college aged summer staffer, which is certainly an exciting new adventure for Colonial and I both. Of course, this is more so an adventure revisted for Colonial. They've had college aged summer staffers in the past. Either way, it's been a while and I could not be more thrilled and the prospect.

There will be more to come on this later.

Why Johnny Can't Preach

David Gordon answers the question by stating "the media have shaped the messengers."
This book was well written, and frankly it shook me up. Gordon's analysis of culture and its affect on preaching/preachers is penetrating, and perceptive. This is a book that I would recommend to anyone who is looking to go to seminary. I would recommend this to someone who is a student of the word as well.

The book itself is divided into 5 chapters. Gordon says the preaching today is particularly bad and writes three chapters to describe why it's bad and one chapter that summarizes and offers suggestions to cure the problem. Gordon says Johnny can't preach, because Johnny can't read literature, Johnny can't write, and Johnny has forgotten the purpose of the pulpit. Gordon suggests that seminary students, preachers and the like read poetry and ancient literature, write hand written letters and prayers, and remember to keep Christ and the message of the cross central in preaching. Developing these sensibilities, Gordon says, will only help Johnny's preaching.

But more than anything, I think I found one of Gordon's last paragraphs most interesting.
"Before (or during, or after) seminary, the ministerial candidate can and should make efforts to cultivate the sensibilities requisite to preaching well. Perhaps the most straightforward way to do this is to follow the late James Montgomery Boice's example. When Boice left Stony Brook, Frank Gaebelein directed him to harvard university to pursue a degree in English literature. It is no surprise, therefore, that one of the late twentieth century's most natural an dcompetent expository preachers was Jim Boice. His pre-divinity training cultivated careful attentiveness to texts; he was a close, careful reader of texts long before he began his study of Greek, Hebrew, homiletics, or systematic theology."

Now this quote may not seem like anything too exciting, but as soon as I give you a little background information, it might. When God saved me over two years ago, I knew that everything would be different and everything in my life must change. I wanted to go into ministry, and had this idea that's where I'd end up. Since then, I've been told by several people that one of my spiritual gifts is teaching. As soon as I was saved, I changed my degree from business to english. I didn't necessarily know why at the time, only except, I had this idea that I might as well learn how to speak properly if I'm going into a ministry where communication is central. Ever since that time I've approached my major with this attitude: "The only reason I'm in school is to get my bachelor's degree so that I might go to seminary." God's providential workings are profoundly mysterious. I'm not positive I'll be going to seminary. I'm not positive what God's plans are for me. But from all I've been told, and what I have placed on my heart, it seems seminary is highly probable. It seems to me that my english major isn't worthless after all. It seems to me that God is behind it.

Time will tell.

So... a tat?

(Click the images to get the full picture)

So, one thing led to another the other evening. This is my tattoo idea. I think it's hilarious.
The tattoo would be on my right side most likely, around the ribs I imagine. Here's the idea.

The idea isn't entirely mine, so I cannot take credit for it's greatness. Billy and Day are the center of most of the inspiration. But sometimes you just need to make an idea your own.

Something like this would be put on my right side

Now, that right there alone looks pretty funny and pretty serious at the same time. If that was all I did, it'd still be down right hilarious. The check marks are an excellent touch.

These five Solas of the reformation would actually be put on something like this.
My skin color would actually probably be the color of the parchment. There would only be a darker outline to let people know that is indeed parchment.
Now here is where the tattoo gets that much more fun.

Martin Luther would be peeking over the the top of the parchment, Giving a thumbs up. He'd have exaggerated cartoony features. His left hand would probably be holding the top of the parchment and his right would be giving a thumbs up.
Here is what He looks like.

And here is kind of an idea of what kind of cartoony thumbs up I'm going for.
I think it'd be a good idea to have Luther's head be a bit bigger than his body. Just an idea. Finally to cap off the piece, two other famous fellows would be underneath the parchment kind of standing back to back, also giving a thumbs up.

John Calvin!

John Calvin would look like John Calvin. He'd be skinny, old, and scrawny. He'd be decked in full robes and unlike Luther, His whole figure would be revealed under the parchment rather than just half of it sticking out like luther would be.

The next fellow is none other than Charles Spurgeon!
Spurgeon would be full of life, and well round... it'd be a nice contrast to calvin.

I think it's also very appropriate to note that each figure (luther, calvin, and spurgeon) would have a very satisfying smirk of sorts on their faces. Spurgeon and calvin would be back to back giving a thumbs up as well.

For some reason, this idea reminds me of those mentos commercials where they hold out the mentos with that big smile on their face at the end of the commercial. Check it out-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwDKCaXF0is&feature=related

That is my idea. Grand right?

John Bunyan

John Bunyan is one of the two people I know of that knows exactly what my spiritual struggles are like. Even though he is dead, his words still speak volumes to me. It is good to know I am not alone. I am thankful that even though he is gone and with the Lord, John Bunyan would understand exactly what I'm going through and exactly what it is I go through. Here is the summary of his autobiography. These things describe my experiences probably better than I could myself.

"Of all the temptations that ever I met with in my life, to question the being of God and truth of his Gospel is the worst, and the worst to be borne. When this temptatoni comes, it takes away my girdle from me, and removes the foundation from under me. OH! I have often thought of that word, "Have your loins girt about you with truth": and of that, "When the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (eph 6:14, Psalms 11:3)

Sometimes when, after sin committed, I have looked for sore chastisement from the hand of God, the very next that I have had from him has been the discover of his grace. Sometimes, when I have been comfroted, I have called myself a fool for my so sinking under trouble. And then again, when I have been cast down, I thought I was not wise to give such way to comfort; with such strength and weight have both these been upon me.

I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God does visit my soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found again that such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in my spirits so filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and that comfort was with which I have (had) been refreshed.

I have sometimes seen more in a line of the bible than I could well tell how to stand under; and yet at another time the whole bible has been to me as a dry stick; or rather my heart has been so dead and dry unto it that I culd not conceive the least dram of refreshment, though I have looked it all over.

Of all fear they are best that are made by the blood of Christ; and of all joy that is the sweetest that is mixed with mourning over Christ. Oh! it is a good thing to be on our knees with Christ in our arms befor God: I hope I know something of these things.

I find to this day seven abominations in my heart.
1. Inclining to unbelief.
2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ manifests
3. A leaning to the works of the law
4. Wanderings and coldness in prayer
5. To forget to watch for that I pray for
6. Apt to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have.
7. I can do none of these things which God commands me, but my corruptions will thrust in themselves. "When I do good, evil is present with me," Romans 7:21

These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with, yet the wisdom of God does order them for my good.
1. They make me abhor myself.
2. They keep me from trusting my heart
3. The convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteousness
4. They show me the necessity of flying to Jesus
5. They press me to pray to God
6. The show me the need I have to watch and be sober
7. And they provoke me to pray to God through Christ, to help me and carry me through this world."

That is me over and over again. I don't think there is anyone on this earth that could describe me better than this man has described himself. Perhaps this is the life of every christian. Maybe I'm not as alone as I think. Either way, Thank you God for giving us the writings of John Bunyan.

I just bought some books...
oops...

Ton o'bricks

I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks recently, and I'll explain why. I'm totally getting flattened by the Lord and the desire to pour myself out like a drink offering is growing. My primary concern and passion right now is understanding the culture we live in, and reforming.

Post-modernism has destroyed effectiveness of church words, which has undermined the truth of the ages. Evangelicals are to blame. I'm to blame. The words Sin, Atonement, Holiness- so on and so forth mean nothing to the post modern world because evangelicals like myself have lost our backbone. Instead of reforming, we've conformed. We've lost fervor for theology and with it, important words have lost their meaning. This isn't because the truth behind the words all of sudden stopped being true. I'm convinced it's only because the truth behind the words has stopped being talked about in detail. If people only hear they're sinners- without any explaining the fact, without any talk of God's righteousness, without any mention of God's purity and good law/perfect standard- they're going to think you're a fool. If people are told they are evil, they are going to gasp that you'd call them such a thing and say that is a word reserved for Hitler. Have we forgotten what Christ said on the sermon on the mount?

"You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court."But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'You good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell."

Practically speaking, we're all murderers! We're all adulterers- for if you look at someone lustfully you've committed adultery with them! Just because a sin does not manifest itself physically does not mean that it hasn't manifested itself in the heart.

James is a book that is being studied in detail in this day and age. That's great. It's the word of God. This is what James says about the subject matter-

"But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death."

The moment you have a sinful thought- for example "Hey, I really hate that guy, I wanna punch Him in the face" whether or not that sin is accomplished, that sin has still be conceived. That means in my heart, I'm murdering people all the time!

I'm not going to jump on the bash the church train. I don't want to do that. What I want to do is call evangelicals to a place of reforming. I want to pour out my life to understanding this culture- understanding post modernism, so that I can effectively address this culture with the truth of the ages. The truth has not changed. Just because culture has "changed" does not mean truth has as well. And really, I would venture to say we haven't changed at all. Satan- remember, Satan actually exists. Satan, the great deceiver has a really good way of using the same old tricks in different candy wrappers. The wrapper may look different than the one used before, but when you open it up, you'll find the same old candy bar.

This post is fragmented, and I'm only at the beginning of my understanding, but I know that I must do something about it and will not stand aside waiting for someone else to pave the road before me to make things easier (even though many already have).

People are still "sinful" even if they're convinced they're not, or have no understanding of the word. God is still Holy and Righteous and Just. People Still need a Savior. Jesus is still risen and living and His sacrifice is still effective. These things have not changed.

And perhaps that's the offense of the gospel. People don't want to hear they NEED a Savior. Moderns didn't. Pre-moderns didn't. Post moderns don't.

Lord Help me be faithful to your cause. Without your help, I will fail. I will fall. I will go down in a ball of flames, and remain only a zealous hypocrite. I'm just a weakling who cares about your Name and Fame, and I want people to know you.

Sometimes it takes "evil"

I was recently diagnosed with mono again. It's quite painful. In fact, the pain is driving me off the wall. The Holy God of the universe is sovereign over all and has a plan and purpose. It's called providence.

Sometimes it takes "evil" for God to wake His people up- or people in general. Of course, I'm not at all saying that God entices people to do evil or does moral evil against anyone. That is heresy. What I am saying is that God does ordain things like sickness which people today categorize as an evil.

Deuteronomy 28:58-60 says "If you do not carefully follow all the words of this law, which are written in this book, and do not revere this glorious and awesome name—the LORD your God- the LORD will send fearful plagues on you and your descendants, harsh and prolonged disasters, and severe and lingering illnesses. He will bring upon you all the diseases of Egypt that you dreaded, and they will cling to you."

Now I must of course mention that we are no longer under such a covenant. But I will also say that God does not change. Though He has given us a new Covenant and christian believers are partakers of it and in it, that does not mean that God could not and does not act like He did in the days of the old covenant. He is the same God after all. I'm just very much under the impression that on this side of salvation history, God is more patient with us because of the Sacrifice of Christ.

Anyhow, not to get sidetracked... follow my train of thought if you will. It's amazing what you can find in the old testament. It really is. Listen to this testimony. So much can be thought about with this passage.

2 Chronicles 16:11-13
" The events of Asa's reign, from beginning to end, are written in the book of the kings of Judah and Israel. In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was afflicted with a disease in his feet. Though his disease was severe, even in his illness he did not seek help from the LORD, but only from the physicians. Then in the forty-first year of his reign Asa died and rested with his fathers."

Now I'm not at all going to go off on some bizarre tangent claiming we shouldn't seek help from doctors. I think what is being portrayed in this passage is this- (though not explicitly said I do believe it is implied.) Asa's illness was an occasion for Him to cry out to the Lord but He did not. In fact, it would not at all surprise me if his illness was actually there so that He might seek help from the Lord.

I've been in a spiritual lethargy. I struggle greatly in my prayer life and any "healthy" christian will tell you that it is prayer that strengthens one most in their walk. The act of prayer in and of itself is an act where one looks away from Himself and looks to the Lord. The duty/privilege of trust is most commonly exercised in prayer (at least I would argue it is).

So God, being the covenant making God that He is says "I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me."

It's also said of this God "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God."

I really believe that God is saying through my illness. Hey, you won't pray to me normally? You're gonna get mono... and you're gonna cry out to me. So that's what I've been doing. Mono has refueled my prayer life. I'm certainly under the impression that this jealous God who wants me and wants my praise is behind it.

Sometimes it takes "evil" to get people's attention. I'm listening God. I'm weak. I'm sick. I need a physician. I'm spiritually and physically sick and I need you. Jesus Christ must be my rock.

Life updates

So this weekend, I had a bunch of weird and gross foods. Ugh. I feel disgusting. Here's why.

Thursday- Billy and I went to some super china buffet. They have american comfort food and mexican along with chinese on their buffet. It's a disaster. I found a black bean in my fried rice. They don't have black beans in any of their dishes (including their mexican dishes).
Does that scare any of you? It certainly scared Billy and I.

Friday- Billy and I again (this time accompanied with Jonathan Rodick and Andy Gibson) went to some place in kansas city kansas. I don't remember the name I do remember having a buche burrito. Hog mog is what it's called in english. Hog mog is uhh... pig's stomach. So I had half a pig's stomach burrito and some questionable pork as well. From there we went to orginal juan's and tried hot sauce that burns your mouth for 10-15 minutes.

Saturday- I was at Mary Beth's house saturday evening and her mother overheard me mention at some point that I'd never tried caviar. Well, she went ahead and bought me 2 ounces of lumpfish caviar. Now eating the lumpfish caviar has only sparked my curiosity as to what the really expensive stuff tastes like, but I could never justify spending hundreds of dollars on an ounce of fish eggs so the only time I'll ever try "the good stuff" is if it's offered to me. Regardless, this caviar tasted like fish eggs. Use your imagination.

Sunday- For some reason, Drew and I went to pizza street. Big mistake. I'm not sure if I ever want to eat again after that meal (ok that's probably not true but you get the idea.)

exciting times!

The Son of God...dies

I don't think about this truth, this fact enough. This is perhaps the largest mystery in all of scripture. This is the most mysterious thing in the universe. This fact is not meant to be trifled with.

Christ says He laid His life down of His own accord.
Jesus Christ, fully God-fully man, the second person of the Trinity, died as a man.
How can God die? Jesus' deity did not die but His humanity did. How is this possible? How did this happen? It is startling. It is mysterious.

But even more so than that, Christ shouts on the cross "My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?"

The two english definitions of the word are as follows.
To give up (something formerly held dear); renounce
To leave altogether; abandon

God the Father turned His face away from the Son because our sin was laid on Him and God cannot look on sin. It is our sin that separates us from God. It separates us from God's presence. It separates us from His face. And it was our Sin that separated Christ from the Father's face, for we are told that "He who knew no sin became sin for us" and "He bore our sins in His body on the tree"

"Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."

Jesus Christ died for our sins in accordance to the scriptures. He died for our sins. He died because of our sins. Christ died for us. The wages of sin is death. Adam would have never died if he had not sinned. Christ the God-Man would never have died if our sins were never laid on Him. He laid his life down for us. He died for our sins.

We must not think that Jesus was killed because He was just a controversial prophet. We must not think that Jesus died only because people hated Him. He died for sinners! He died for our sins!

"Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people."

Propitiation means- the act of atoning for sin or wrongdoing (especially appeasing a deity) (that is princeton's definition by the way).

"Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand."

"He [who] did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all"

And Christ did not sin in all of this. Though He sweat drops of blood before He was nailed to the cross. He walked through the valley of the shadow of death and feared no evil. Christ had perfect faith. He never sinned on the cross.

I can't help but think of this passage "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him"

This is the kind of faith Christ had. He knew He must take the cup of suffering before Him. He said Not as He willed but as God willed.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Though God was completely separated from Christ on the cross, Christ never lost His hope in God. He never lost His joy in God. He did not once sin. Separated from God, yet He still trusted in, loved, hoped in, even delighted in God perfectly. Just like the psalmist (in 44) God hides his face but the psalmist proclaims "In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever."

What a display! Look at how God hates sin! But yet, look at how God loves us!

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.

Look at the cross of Christ! Look to Christ. Only there will your heart melt. Only there will you truly cry "I have sinned!" and only there will you find your salvation!

What a mystery. Christ took our punishment and died because He loves us. That is amazing. Only God could do that. Only God would do that. Look at what He has done. Praise the Risen Lamb all you peoples! Turn to the Risen Lamb of God!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrtgrU_uo9s&feature=related

Because the thoughts in my head are weighing me down

This is purely a message to myself. If any of you benefit from reading it, praise be to God. It's gonna be long. It's gonna be random. There will be a common thread running through it. Most of all, it is a rebuke, encouragement, and exhortation to myself.

-
Much of my christian journey has been introspective. It has been selfish and self centered. I am a self-confessing christian hedonist that doesn't at all have a problem saying that God is delighted when we find our joy in Him. I believe that it is God's desire for us to find our joy in Him. In fact, I believe this claim can easily be made by simply looking at the greatest commandment. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. God is worthy of this love- but then I'm not even sure that this is is the entire reason why God commands us to love Him. God ultimately should be at the top of our affections because God is worthy of our love, but I think a case can be made that God is offended at our idolatry not only because He is worthy of our love, but He is also out for our best interest. God knows what will make us most happy- namely Himself.
To some, God's commanding His worship makes this God sound like a prideful God who is full of Himself. But because God Himself has been at the top of His affections forever, and supremely happy in Himself- the most selfless act God can do is create and share Himself with us.

This is why proper theological understanding is so important in this day and age. It's important in any day and age. The statements that I have made above still make God look like a God who is full of Himself. But we must understand who this God is. One of the most misunderstood and confusing topics in Christianity today is The Trinity. And yet, I would submit, that it is one of the single doctrines, if not single doctrine that we should commit our lives to more fully understanding and embracing. This is after all who our God has revealed Himself to be in the whole of scripture (most specifically the new testament).

Robert Letham goes this far and writes "It is my belief that a recovery of the Trinity at ground level, the level of the ordinary minister and believer, will help revitalize the life of the church and, in turn, its witness in the world."

Because Mr. Letham knows God far better than I and has devoted much of his life to the study of God, I'll quote Him again. This is why the study of God is so practical. Look at how God works. "At a very basic level indeed, a clear outlook on the Trinity should deeply affect how we treat people. The Father advances his kingdom by means of his son, the Son glorifies the Father, the Spirit speaks not of himself but of the Son, and the Father glorifies the Son. All will call Jesus "Lord" by the Holy Spirit to the glory of the Father. Each of the three delights in the good of the others."

What am I supposed to do when the darkness will not lift? What am I supposed to do when doubts flood my soul? What am I supposed to do when I'm not sure of my salvation? What does a christian hedonist do when God's face is hidden? It's all about me isn't it? At least I'd like to think that. These are the dangers of an unbalanced theology. This is why it's so important to be students of the word. I have to catch the whole of what God's word says.

Ultimately, I must remember, though God is concerned about my best interests, He is first concerned with His interests. And this of course isn't a selfish thing at all. God's interests is His own glorification, and because God is triune and gracious, his glorification is outward. He is an overflowing fountain. God's being concerned about His own affairs is one of the most selfless acts that there are because of who God is.

I will never forget a conversation I had with one older than me. I don't even remember the person's name, but I do and will remember the conversation we had for some while. I was casually expressing my doubts to this person. I told Him my testimony and how I was concerned I was still unsaved. He then told me that he thought I wasn't a christian. My story was too ripe with doubt he said. I had cried out for faith but God had not answered. I then asked him, "well what do I do?" and he said "you're going to have to live your life." I told the man that I couldn't do that. He told me I was going to have to. After much going back and forth the man finally told me something along these lines- Stop thinking about yourself, and go out and brag on God soldier. This life isn't about you.

It's funny how God's concern for me as an individual starts with the act of loving Him for my joy (Loving God takes the focus off of loving myself and loving someone far greater than I, namely Himself) and He does not stop there. God then says- "The second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor"

God's entire business, though He does it all for the sake of His praise (Isaiah 43:20-21, 48:9): though God's entire business is for the sake of His own delight- it is always outward- because God is a God who delights in overflowing. He is a God who shares.

And so ,though God commands me to examine myself to see if I'm in the faith, I'm not meant to stay there. We are to reach this conclusion- "Jesus Christ is in me" and if we fail the test, we know what to do- "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you shall be saved"

What do I do now? I get so caught up in my own personal sins. I get so caught up in obeying the greatest commandment that I forget about everything else. And you see, if I was truly about obeying the first commandment, I would find my answer- If I truly loved God, I would find my answer. My love for God would be demonstrated. Look at how circular this passage is.

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome."

We know we love God when we love other christians.
We know we love the children of God when we love God and obey His commandments.
We know we love God when we obey His commandments.

I look at it like this. If we love God, we will obey Him. When we obey God, we will love other christians (and our neighbor). If you love God, you love your brother and you love your-neighbor. The more your love God, the more you love your neighbor. The more you love your brother. This is a demonstration of how God works. God moves outward. He commands us to be Holy as He is Holy. If we do such a thing, we will be concerned about feeding the poor. We will be concerned about caring for widows and orphans. We will be concerned about loving our neighbor. We will be concerned about dying to ourselves. And most of all, we will be concerned with sharing God Himself through the historical revelation of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection.

If it is my aim to find my joy in God and loving Him, then it is necessary that my joy must also be pursued in obeying Him. This necessitates dying to myself- and following Him. And when this happens, I will no longer be selfish. Nothing will rob me of joy, because my eyes will only be on God and others. My greatest joy will be found in God. My joy will be then spill over and be found in Sharing God with others, and giving myself to others, and caring for and loving others (so on and so forth.)

The apostle who wrote 1 John writes the letter So that our joy may be complete. This means not only the readers of the letter's joy, but also the apostles joy. The apostle enjoys being selfless and sheperding the flock of God as is expected of Him. This is why it is said obeying God is not burdesome. Obeying God fills us with joy.

I must note that being obsessed about my joy will not bring about joy. It is only when I take my eyes off myself, and love God and others will my joy be complete. Loving God because He is worthy is a selfless act- even though it greatly benefits ourselves. Loving others is a selfless act, even though it benefits ourselves. If I am only loving God and others for the benefit of myself, I will ultimately be robbing myself of my joy because the whole act then becomes selfish which is sinful. (How weird is that). If I am truly concerned about my own interests and joy, I must first become selfless and look away from myself and towards Christ and find my joy in Him, and then obey Him and look to love others.

I want to make an argument. The people that love God the most do the most for God. Look at Paul. He knew He was not saved by works, but He labored the most for the kingdom of God. This right here is the center of Paul's confidence "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Paul knew why He was saved. It was because Christ- God Himself- The Son of God- died for Paul. And yet, Paul can honestly say "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them (the apostles), though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me."

Paul did so much because He, by God's grace, was so incredibly in love with the triune God. He counted all else as rubbish but knowing Christ crucified, and from that, He gave up his life as a drink offering for God.

A more modern example is Jonathan Edwards. Much of "christian hedonism" can be attributed directly to this man. He was so centered on man's enjoyment of God. Yet, He ministered to many. He delivered the gospel to native americans and americans both. This man poured Himself out for God and God's purposes.

This passage is so applicable to me.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. (James)

Why is this so important? Because God is worthy of His glory. He is worthy to be praised and followed and obeyed and served. I am in sin if I am not a doer of the word. And lying beyond all this there is the truth that I am made in the image of God. My joy is found in God and God's own happiness and joy. Because God rightly enjoys loving others, being a Father to the Fatherless, sharing Himself with others (so and and so forth), then I will also rightly enjoy being a doer of the word because I am made in his image.

So, I'll try to summarize.
1. Theology is important. If we are not students of the word, we get lopsided. Our joy is found in the true God, not the god of our imagination.
2. Truly loving God necessitates obedience.
3. This life is not about me. God made everything for the sake of His praise.
4. I am meant to be selfless and give glory to God by obeying God.
5. When I become God centered - I will become others centered. I must become God and others centered not only because God commands me, but also because I'm robbing myself of joy if I do not.
6. I must remember, though God is about His own business, it is good He is about His own business because He is perfectly gracious, loving, and merciful and loves sharing His goodness with others. I however am sinful and not Holy like God. The center of true virtue starts with loving God and enjoying God for who He truly is (I'll touch more on this later).
7. It's time for me to stop being so centered on myself.

I know this blog is all over the place. I had to spill my thoughts. Hopefully this will be an outlet for me to further expound what's going on in this head of mine.

I leave myself with this, for it seems this passage is applicable to my entire stream of thought in one way or another and perhaps summarizes some of these ideas better than I can.

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Shining as Stars Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Phil 2: 1-18

I'll put it bluntly.
My butt's getting kicked.

I have a ton on my mind, but I haven't even had time to think about it.
Maybe I'll have time to think about it after FINALS ARE OVER.
I'll be free later today.
But for now, I've got two to go, and right now... I'm waiting for my car to melt off.

So here we go, it's time go to school and study.
Then I'll take some tests.
And then I'll return some books.
And then, hopefully... I'll take a nap.

Yup.
I'm silly.
Just throwin that out there.

Why?

Why, is the question that my overly analytical, obsessive compulsive mind all too often asks. There is no problem with the question why, if you arrive at an answer. Why, is a blessing and a curse. If you're serious about answering the question, it will always bring more knowledge, and perhaps truth. Of course, there is a flip side, it will almost always bring more "whys"

A lot of my whys are Why, God?
Here is an example of an all too familiar conversation I often have with the Lord.

Why, God?
Because I'm Good, and want to reveal and share myself.
Why, God?
Because I'm wise, this is the best way I can share myself with creation.
Why, God?
Because I love being Me.
Why, God? Why? Why? Why?

And so, I learn more about the Lord. I see Him more for who He is, and why He does what He does. Of course, it is the eye of faith that beholds God. Once the eye of the heart beholds Christ for Who He is, it stops asking why and starts praising.

For years, I have been plagued with the How, Who, What, When, Where, Why? Of course, I've asked why regarding all the strange happenings in my life. I've asked why I'm plagued with what many consider a blessing. I now consider it a blessing of sorts as well.

I'm going to sort of combine two of Paul's ideas.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

"Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness."

Knowledge, without love, is only knowledge. In fact, Paul seems to call it nothing.
(some synonyms of zeal include passion, ardor, enthusiasm, and devotion).
Zeal without knowledge, is misdirected and well.. only zeal.

I often ask the question, How can you claim to love something or someone, if you know nothing, or very little about that something or someone? Now I almost also add, just because you know a lot about someone or something, doesn't mean you love it. And I will finish with, the more you know something truly, the more you can truly appreciate it for what the something really is.

I must proclaim with the psalmist!

"For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light."

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law."

I most agree with the Lord Jesus.

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

You see, I thought I knew something. Truth be told, I knew some things. But this verse is true.
" The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know."

For this has happened. "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

I'm sorry if all of this sounds disconnected. I'm in the process of tying it all together myself. God in His wisdom has been revealing Himself to me through these past couple of years. My seeking and wrestling and striving have all been mostly centered on doctrine. God has blown on my heart, to show me that all I've ever thought about Him, though "correct" has been too small. It's been too safe. I've put God in a box. I've not viewed the truths He has been teaching me with an eye of faith. Most of all, I have had little to no zeal. Knowledge without love, well... it's only knowledge. God is blowing on my heart. Finally, the Spirit is making these truths known to me. Truly KNOWN. In His light, I see the light, and I love what I see. I'm no longer just viewing truth from afar. I'm Seeing and TASTING.

The god I thought I knew was too safe. he was too small. he was too tame.

The true God. He is a consuming Fire. He does all that He pleases, and He is MAJESTIC in HOLINESS. He is Living. He is bigger than I can ever imagine. I could spend eternity using words to try and say something of His beauty, and though they be true, they would still fail to capture the fullness, and measure of His riches. The fullness of this revelation is in the face of Jesus Christ. I can only rejoice for His redeeming me.

I'm the most blessed man, on the face of the earth.

Why?
Because, God.