So here is what's going on in my life

I shouldn't enjoy talking about myself, but I do. I suppose it's the human condition. Regardless, I think it might be time to fill all you readers (the two or three of you that is) in. Here's what's going on in my life! Spiritual things, and not so spiritual things.

I've applied for an internship at colonial pres. I've been praying about it, and I very much hope I get this internship. It will most obviously happen if it's the Lords will. I'll be honest- I have much peace, but I'm not as excited as I'd like to be. I suppose the excitement will rise tomorrow after my interview with some of the staffers if it goes well. I know that I already appreciate Cory's heart and some of the other staffers I've met seem to be right on as well. I'm most excited about this internship stretching me (that is if it happens) and having the opportunity to share my heart.

Three of my best friends and I are searching for a house in midtown. We all plan to attend UMKC, and have a few houses in mind. I'm quite excited about this as well. We plan on having the house be a place of prayer, service, christian community and outreach. Fellowship will also play into this house. I need to pray over this group of fellows and house more however. I believe we are going to model the house after the early church and the book of acts. If this happens, we've also considered turning the house into a house church of sorts. This idea needs a lot of prayer filled consideration, but it'll probably look like a "house church" whether we decide to call it that or not.

I had the opportunity of speaking to Ryan Kapple the other day. He is a dandy fellow and the pastor of Leawood pres. I thank Him for spending time and having fellowship with me. The conversation raised a lot of questions and convictions inside of me. I am charismatic, and I most definitely believe in the gifts. I'm not certain about this, but I believe the Lord gives me visions. I also believe the Lord has given me a passion for teaching, and perhaps gifted me there as well. Ryan encouraged me to pray about these things more specifically and see what the Lord wants with them. He also encouraged me to explore using my gifts in the church. I have a lot of praying to do about these things specifically. It was a great conversation.

Colossus, my band recently lost many members. We found a new bassist. His name is Alex Chapman and He is a dandy fellow. He is serious about his faith, and also serious about music. It's great when these two passions converge and definitely a rare thing when one has these two convictions and likes the kind of music we play. We are desperate for a drummer. We are praying, but i assure you, not enough. The Lord will provide and if He does not then clearly it's time for us to put Colossus on the ropes so to speak. In the meantime, we'll continue writing music. We're planning to record a few songs and use a drum program to finish them. We may not be able to play shows, but we can still attempt reaching out to people with our music through the internet. If anything, our songs might plant a seed and someone might check out Jesus because of it. This is more than fine with me.

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo (or is it tatoo? whatever) on my chest. I want it to be Paul's conversion scene. The piece itself would most likely be quite large. I would plan on the piece being very dark, and gothic (and by that I'm referring to the color scheme). The scenery, and paul himself would be blacks, grays and maybe dark blues. The brightness of the piece would be the light in the sky (Christ) shining down on Paul. Paul would most obviously be on his knees, shielding his face from the Lords glory. The light itself would be many bright colors- preferably yellows, whites, and maybe even orange/gold. Christ would not be depicted in any way, other than the light itself. I don't want to paint a picture of what He looks like in my mind, because I have no clue He looks like. That'd be an idol of sorts.

Seeing as how Christ revealed himself through light, and God through fire in the burning bush (He does many things like this), I think it'd also be cool to have this verse tattooed under the scene. Psalm 43: 3-4 Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me;let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy,and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. This is just an idea however, and I probably won't go through with it.

I'm looking into buying a new vehicle and a scooter. Nick welch inspired me. I want to get a wagon. The scooter is going to be a dandy as well.

I want to get married soon, and maybe meet my wife even sooner. I'm not ready for this I assure you, but who is?

I hope to take a roadtrip this spring break.

And lastly, I want to be in love with Jesus. My heart feels cold. I can't stand it.

Sorry, most of this ended up being more spiritual than I expected. I guess I just can't think of anything else worth talking about. My english teacher said that some people need God for a reason to live. He most definitely isn't a believer, but He was exactly right.

I need the Lord

I need the Lord for strength.
I need the Lord for hope.
I need the Lord for forgiveness.
I need the Lord for purpose.
I need the Lord for salvation.
I need the Lord for repentance.
I need the Lord for sanctification.

I need the Lords help when I pray.
I need the Lords help to believe.
I need the Lords help to repent.
I need the Lords help to love.
I need the Lords help to follow Him.

I need Him now.
I need Him every day-every hour-every minute-every second.

I need to further desire Him.
I need to further love Him.
I need to have more faith in Him.
I need to see Him clearly.
I need to trust Him.
I need His grace, His affection, His hand in my life.
I need His good favor.
I need His eyes gaze.
I need His Spirit.
I need His cross.

I need Him as Priest, as Prophet, as King.


I need the Lord.
Help me to want you, Lord.

Streamer thoughts

I was singing a song the other night, and the lyrics went a little something like this.

"Lord, You have all of my heart. Lord, you have all of my love."

It was those two particular lines that really stuck out to me. The Lord does not have all of my heart. The lord does not have all of my love. In fact, I believe I'm able to say this with an air of confidence. There is not one person on this earth that could truly sing those sentences and actually mean them if they knew their own heart. Oh how I wish that wasn't the case. I can't wait until I can sing that song and mean it, but there is no way it will be here. I carry the weight of too much sin. My heart is easily distracted by other things. I tire easily, and grow weary of seeking the Lord. I too often seek my own glory before His. The only way a man or woman can sing those words and have them actually carry signifigance is in heaven. There is no sin, and the only thing they'd be concerned about is the blaze of glory that's in front of them. We taste grace and His beauty here. We cannot yet taste those things fully. I can't love the Lord like I want to. I can't trust Him like I want to. Sin is hideous.

But then we later sang

"Oh how He loves us"

Here is something that I can latch on to. Here is something I can sing and not feel ashamed about. If you know me, you know I'm a doubter. You know that I often wonder if I've come to know Christ. At first, I could only sing these words in reference to Christ's church. Oh how Jesus loves the church! But, I believe the Lord wanted me to gather something more from these lyrics. For a brief moment, a vision came to me. It was the bloody, savagely beaten Savior on the cross. I saw Him suffering. Do you know what He did? He pointed to me...

OH How He loves me. To be able to sing that knowing it's true- well it's the only significance one can gather from this life, and it's one that can't be earned. It's the most free of all gifts, but the costliest at the same time.

What dishonor I give this love. Oh how I slight it. Oh how dim my appreciation is.

I will post more soon... it will be lighter. I promise. My good friend Jon just arrived at my house. I love Him.

I've forgotten about you

Looky here, it's a year later.
I wouldn't have enough time to say what the Lord has done in the last year.
I'm just thankful He's still at work in me and my friends lives.

Things have slowed down, and I don't want them to.
The time is now to draw near to the Lord, and thankfully His word says He will draw near to me.

Saved by Christ and Christ alone

Knowing that what Christ has done is enough to save, and that he has saved is the best feeling one on this earth can have. It is liberating, freeing, relaxing, peaceful, and amazing for lack of a better word.

It's comforting, it's assuring, it's brilliant.

It guides you into light. It gives your life purpose and meaning. It creates a passion in you for his word. It sets your heart ablaze for His will. It gives you a hatred for sin.

It gives you hope for a better treasure. Hope for a better life. Hope for the countless days spent with the father.

It gives you a sense of awe. A sense of wonder. A proclamation of His mysteries.

It causes urgency for the cross of Christ to be preached and proclaimed. You feel loved, and know you're loved, so it's easier to love. The love overflows and thusly flows from your life into others.

It's intoxicating. It's breathtaking. It's mesmerizing.

You loose your life, and then find it. You become a new creation. You are set apart. The world you live in is no longer your home. You're alienated to the world. Worldly pleasures become hideous. Sin looses it's pleasure. Sin looses it's power.

Darkness no longer has power over you. Death can't have you. The enemy can't have you.

You know you've been bought. You know He's your portion. You know you've been made for true and long lasting pleasure.

It smashes your pride. It smashes the love of yourself. It causes you to know the cross is the only good thing you have. You boast in it. You glory in it. You love Christ.

I love Christ. I love what He has done. I love that what He's done is enough for me. It's more than enough for me. It will always be enough for me. He will always be my portion. I will always find delight in Him.

I've been set free. My guilt has disappeared. My burden has been lifted. My chains have been cast aside.
I've been cleansed. I've been redeemed.

He gave His life for me. I only hope that I'll be able to give my life for Him.

Sometimes I get tired of lofty theological ideas, and biblical based discussions.
I don't really understand why that might be. Don't get me wrong, If you gave me the chance I would probably talk your ear off about all the cool things in the bible, and all the things God has, is doing and will be doing in the future.

I think, maybe why we get tired of thinking about God or talking about God, or praying to God is because our human minds can't truly grasp who he is. Every single person on this planet has a false perception of who God really is. Maybe it's because of that false perception we grow weary of God. You can't compare God to a human because He's God. However, since we don't know God and have never seen God the only thing we can compare God to is a human. I don't mean we call God human (even though he was at one point), I mean we compare God's goodness to a humans goodness which is outrageous. God is infinitely good, and ultimately good, and forever good. It's ridiculous that we'd even try to compare human goodness to God's goodness. After all, a human is made good in God's eyes by the cross alone. His Holiness has no bounds, and neither does His power. We can't grasp that. We can't even begin to grasp who God is so we have to bring Him down to our level somehow, because we want to understand and we somehow feel better about understanding. The truth is, we can't understand.

I think maybe that's why we get tired of talking about God. It's when we try to understand Him we get tired of talking about Him. I think I might never tire talking about God's mysteries.

We'll enjoy God forever when we're with Him for eternity. I'm guessing we'll have a better understanding of who is He is at that point. We'll never get tired of talking about Him. We'll never get tired of praising Him. We'll never get tired of talking to Him. We'll never get tired of hearing His voice. The bible specifically says we'll never be tired...

I wonder how gloriously glorious heaven will be. For me to never grow tired of God, that must be amazing.

Living life with the end goal in mind

I really wish I was selfless. I want very much to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and love others as He first loved us. I want to obey all the laws within his word and want to follow all the commandments he has given us. I can't. I can't do it. Praise God for the great mediator who is His son, or I'd be in some major trouble to say the least.

Bottom line is, I'm selfish. I can't get over myself. I wish I'd never been born in this flesh which is sin, but that is the human condition. It's every humans problem that we're born with.

And why should I not get over myself if I live with the end goal in mind. I want my life to look like Paul's. I want to count everything aside from knowing Christ as rubbish. And, in all reality, everything aside from knowing christ, investing in others lives and living out what God asks of us through his law and commandments is rubbish. That is, it's rubbish if I live with the end goal in mind. My treasure is in heaven! Why can't I wrap my thoughts around that? My reward will be eternity in heaven, with God- Who will bestow joys upon me which are unconceivable. Why should I live this life for me? It's not about me! God didn't create this world and the 6 billion other people in it for me. It's by his grace and mercy that he created me in the first place.

So, with that knowledge my life should look radically different. Genuine christian lives should look radically different. That knowledge should change how we live.

My ultimate goals in this life are these-
When I'm on my deathbed, I'll be able to say much like Paul "I did it. I did all God called me to do. There's nothing left on this earth for me to do, I've done it. I've fought the good fight"
And, when people look at my life I don't want them to say "Blake Russell is an awesome guy."
I want people to say "Jesus Christ is an awesome God." If people see any good in me- I hope they'll see Jesus Christ, not Blake Russell.

Apart from Christ, I have nothing good. Christ is my only boast! That is it, that is all. Apart from Christ my life is meaningless. I can only begin to praise Him for saving me.