Why?

Why, is the question that my overly analytical, obsessive compulsive mind all too often asks. There is no problem with the question why, if you arrive at an answer. Why, is a blessing and a curse. If you're serious about answering the question, it will always bring more knowledge, and perhaps truth. Of course, there is a flip side, it will almost always bring more "whys"

A lot of my whys are Why, God?
Here is an example of an all too familiar conversation I often have with the Lord.

Why, God?
Because I'm Good, and want to reveal and share myself.
Why, God?
Because I'm wise, this is the best way I can share myself with creation.
Why, God?
Because I love being Me.
Why, God? Why? Why? Why?

And so, I learn more about the Lord. I see Him more for who He is, and why He does what He does. Of course, it is the eye of faith that beholds God. Once the eye of the heart beholds Christ for Who He is, it stops asking why and starts praising.

For years, I have been plagued with the How, Who, What, When, Where, Why? Of course, I've asked why regarding all the strange happenings in my life. I've asked why I'm plagued with what many consider a blessing. I now consider it a blessing of sorts as well.

I'm going to sort of combine two of Paul's ideas.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

"Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness."

Knowledge, without love, is only knowledge. In fact, Paul seems to call it nothing.
(some synonyms of zeal include passion, ardor, enthusiasm, and devotion).
Zeal without knowledge, is misdirected and well.. only zeal.

I often ask the question, How can you claim to love something or someone, if you know nothing, or very little about that something or someone? Now I almost also add, just because you know a lot about someone or something, doesn't mean you love it. And I will finish with, the more you know something truly, the more you can truly appreciate it for what the something really is.

I must proclaim with the psalmist!

"For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light."

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law."

I most agree with the Lord Jesus.

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

You see, I thought I knew something. Truth be told, I knew some things. But this verse is true.
" The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know."

For this has happened. "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

I'm sorry if all of this sounds disconnected. I'm in the process of tying it all together myself. God in His wisdom has been revealing Himself to me through these past couple of years. My seeking and wrestling and striving have all been mostly centered on doctrine. God has blown on my heart, to show me that all I've ever thought about Him, though "correct" has been too small. It's been too safe. I've put God in a box. I've not viewed the truths He has been teaching me with an eye of faith. Most of all, I have had little to no zeal. Knowledge without love, well... it's only knowledge. God is blowing on my heart. Finally, the Spirit is making these truths known to me. Truly KNOWN. In His light, I see the light, and I love what I see. I'm no longer just viewing truth from afar. I'm Seeing and TASTING.

The god I thought I knew was too safe. he was too small. he was too tame.

The true God. He is a consuming Fire. He does all that He pleases, and He is MAJESTIC in HOLINESS. He is Living. He is bigger than I can ever imagine. I could spend eternity using words to try and say something of His beauty, and though they be true, they would still fail to capture the fullness, and measure of His riches. The fullness of this revelation is in the face of Jesus Christ. I can only rejoice for His redeeming me.

I'm the most blessed man, on the face of the earth.

Why?
Because, God.

This week.

Monday- 

I'm up in kstate territory for reasons I don't know. Sometimes you just go with the flow

Tuesday-

Lunch with Billy

Pre thanksgiving-halo 2 monster burger bowl

Type a paper due for an online class

Wednesday-

Eat at a salad buffet to stretch my stomach.

Hang out with a splendid young woman.

Probably end up at band practice somehow

Thursday-

Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

Friday-

Wish I wouldn't have eaten so much.

Hopefully I'll be playing "the game" with some fellows

Saturday-

Hopefully I'll be hanging out with a dandy young lady again.

Probably another round of band practice too.

Sunday-

Church.

Rest.

Church again?

All the while, a good deal of homework, lyric writing, and reading/journaling will be going on.

This sounds like it's going to be a lovely week.

Hello

I enjoy writing, but haven't done any writing on this thing in a while because...
well, all too often I act like my words carry a lot of weight.
Or, I act like they should carry a lot of weight.
Meh. I ain't the stud I imagine myself to be.
Pride is stinky, Smells like sin. Sin smells like poop- Bad poop.
I guess if the Lord wants me to write, I will.
Hey, I still keep up in my journal. I'm scared for the person who stumbles across those when I die. Maybe God will hide em from folks. Maybe I'll request in my will that they put em in my coffin with me.

I have a new addiction. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anLfoy2XsFw
Hall and Oates.. man, if only folks still wrote songs like they did.

I don't think Mark 9:24 has ever been more true in my life. It's so weird,
because I totally believe and have nowhere else to go but to Jesus. But man, I've never stumbled over God's word like this before either. Jesus rose from the dead. Golly, I need Him.

I've been drinking more Arnold Palmers from QT. I've been smoking less hookah. I wish hookah wasn't bad for your health, because I'd smoke it a lot more. I'll be 21 in 5 days I think it is. I guess that means I can go out and buy beer.

Colossus is introducing clean vocals. That's right, I'll be singing for real in some songs. Not that you'll ever hear em though. We never play shows...

I guess I really suck at this blogging thing. I just blurted out a bunch of information ya'll probably didn't want to hear.

Sometimes, you just don't have much to say.
One door closes, another opens.
Here we go.

I need Jesus.

Three words

These are all three word statements that have been put upon my heart.

Jesus is God.
Jesus is real.
Jesus has come.
Jesus is good.
He is alive.
He is worthy.
He is awesome.
God is Sovereign.
I'm a sinner.
It's a mystery.
Lord, be merciful.
It is finished.
I need Jesus.

I guess there are a few four word statements running through my mind often as well that go like this

Don't waste your life
His will be done

That's all.

I need Jesus.

Structure

I need structure. I really need a schedule. I don't know why, but it seems without one, I'm not productive in any sense of word. Although one might say that I'm quite productive in the areas of laziness, and chillin' but, that really doesn't help the furthering of Christ's kingdom much. I suppose that's where my desire for structure spawns from. Without it, not only am I lacking in servitude, but I'm neglecting my own soul by not meeting with Him as often as I should.

It's hard to get a large fire roaring if you're only putting a twig or two on top of the embers every 24 hours. I suppose that's how I feel about where I've been at the last couple of weeks.

So needless to say, I'm quite excited for some structure. That will be coming soon here with my venture into summer staffing. So, I told you I'd get back with you all about how I felt about my upcoming internship with colonial. I'm quite excited. It'd be cool if God turned my world upside down again.

Billy Hastings and I have a new quote we use fairly often.
It goes like this: "I need Jesus"

Boy do I ever.