I'll put it bluntly.
My butt's getting kicked.

I have a ton on my mind, but I haven't even had time to think about it.
Maybe I'll have time to think about it after FINALS ARE OVER.
I'll be free later today.
But for now, I've got two to go, and right now... I'm waiting for my car to melt off.

So here we go, it's time go to school and study.
Then I'll take some tests.
And then I'll return some books.
And then, hopefully... I'll take a nap.

Yup.
I'm silly.
Just throwin that out there.

Why?

Why, is the question that my overly analytical, obsessive compulsive mind all too often asks. There is no problem with the question why, if you arrive at an answer. Why, is a blessing and a curse. If you're serious about answering the question, it will always bring more knowledge, and perhaps truth. Of course, there is a flip side, it will almost always bring more "whys"

A lot of my whys are Why, God?
Here is an example of an all too familiar conversation I often have with the Lord.

Why, God?
Because I'm Good, and want to reveal and share myself.
Why, God?
Because I'm wise, this is the best way I can share myself with creation.
Why, God?
Because I love being Me.
Why, God? Why? Why? Why?

And so, I learn more about the Lord. I see Him more for who He is, and why He does what He does. Of course, it is the eye of faith that beholds God. Once the eye of the heart beholds Christ for Who He is, it stops asking why and starts praising.

For years, I have been plagued with the How, Who, What, When, Where, Why? Of course, I've asked why regarding all the strange happenings in my life. I've asked why I'm plagued with what many consider a blessing. I now consider it a blessing of sorts as well.

I'm going to sort of combine two of Paul's ideas.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

"Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness."

Knowledge, without love, is only knowledge. In fact, Paul seems to call it nothing.
(some synonyms of zeal include passion, ardor, enthusiasm, and devotion).
Zeal without knowledge, is misdirected and well.. only zeal.

I often ask the question, How can you claim to love something or someone, if you know nothing, or very little about that something or someone? Now I almost also add, just because you know a lot about someone or something, doesn't mean you love it. And I will finish with, the more you know something truly, the more you can truly appreciate it for what the something really is.

I must proclaim with the psalmist!

"For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light."

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law."

I most agree with the Lord Jesus.

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

You see, I thought I knew something. Truth be told, I knew some things. But this verse is true.
" The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know."

For this has happened. "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

I'm sorry if all of this sounds disconnected. I'm in the process of tying it all together myself. God in His wisdom has been revealing Himself to me through these past couple of years. My seeking and wrestling and striving have all been mostly centered on doctrine. God has blown on my heart, to show me that all I've ever thought about Him, though "correct" has been too small. It's been too safe. I've put God in a box. I've not viewed the truths He has been teaching me with an eye of faith. Most of all, I have had little to no zeal. Knowledge without love, well... it's only knowledge. God is blowing on my heart. Finally, the Spirit is making these truths known to me. Truly KNOWN. In His light, I see the light, and I love what I see. I'm no longer just viewing truth from afar. I'm Seeing and TASTING.

The god I thought I knew was too safe. he was too small. he was too tame.

The true God. He is a consuming Fire. He does all that He pleases, and He is MAJESTIC in HOLINESS. He is Living. He is bigger than I can ever imagine. I could spend eternity using words to try and say something of His beauty, and though they be true, they would still fail to capture the fullness, and measure of His riches. The fullness of this revelation is in the face of Jesus Christ. I can only rejoice for His redeeming me.

I'm the most blessed man, on the face of the earth.

Why?
Because, God.