Streamer thoughts

I was singing a song the other night, and the lyrics went a little something like this.

"Lord, You have all of my heart. Lord, you have all of my love."

It was those two particular lines that really stuck out to me. The Lord does not have all of my heart. The lord does not have all of my love. In fact, I believe I'm able to say this with an air of confidence. There is not one person on this earth that could truly sing those sentences and actually mean them if they knew their own heart. Oh how I wish that wasn't the case. I can't wait until I can sing that song and mean it, but there is no way it will be here. I carry the weight of too much sin. My heart is easily distracted by other things. I tire easily, and grow weary of seeking the Lord. I too often seek my own glory before His. The only way a man or woman can sing those words and have them actually carry signifigance is in heaven. There is no sin, and the only thing they'd be concerned about is the blaze of glory that's in front of them. We taste grace and His beauty here. We cannot yet taste those things fully. I can't love the Lord like I want to. I can't trust Him like I want to. Sin is hideous.

But then we later sang

"Oh how He loves us"

Here is something that I can latch on to. Here is something I can sing and not feel ashamed about. If you know me, you know I'm a doubter. You know that I often wonder if I've come to know Christ. At first, I could only sing these words in reference to Christ's church. Oh how Jesus loves the church! But, I believe the Lord wanted me to gather something more from these lyrics. For a brief moment, a vision came to me. It was the bloody, savagely beaten Savior on the cross. I saw Him suffering. Do you know what He did? He pointed to me...

OH How He loves me. To be able to sing that knowing it's true- well it's the only significance one can gather from this life, and it's one that can't be earned. It's the most free of all gifts, but the costliest at the same time.

What dishonor I give this love. Oh how I slight it. Oh how dim my appreciation is.

I will post more soon... it will be lighter. I promise. My good friend Jon just arrived at my house. I love Him.