John Bunyan

John Bunyan is one of the two people I know of that knows exactly what my spiritual struggles are like. Even though he is dead, his words still speak volumes to me. It is good to know I am not alone. I am thankful that even though he is gone and with the Lord, John Bunyan would understand exactly what I'm going through and exactly what it is I go through. Here is the summary of his autobiography. These things describe my experiences probably better than I could myself.

"Of all the temptations that ever I met with in my life, to question the being of God and truth of his Gospel is the worst, and the worst to be borne. When this temptatoni comes, it takes away my girdle from me, and removes the foundation from under me. OH! I have often thought of that word, "Have your loins girt about you with truth": and of that, "When the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (eph 6:14, Psalms 11:3)

Sometimes when, after sin committed, I have looked for sore chastisement from the hand of God, the very next that I have had from him has been the discover of his grace. Sometimes, when I have been comfroted, I have called myself a fool for my so sinking under trouble. And then again, when I have been cast down, I thought I was not wise to give such way to comfort; with such strength and weight have both these been upon me.

I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God does visit my soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found again that such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in my spirits so filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and that comfort was with which I have (had) been refreshed.

I have sometimes seen more in a line of the bible than I could well tell how to stand under; and yet at another time the whole bible has been to me as a dry stick; or rather my heart has been so dead and dry unto it that I culd not conceive the least dram of refreshment, though I have looked it all over.

Of all fear they are best that are made by the blood of Christ; and of all joy that is the sweetest that is mixed with mourning over Christ. Oh! it is a good thing to be on our knees with Christ in our arms befor God: I hope I know something of these things.

I find to this day seven abominations in my heart.
1. Inclining to unbelief.
2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ manifests
3. A leaning to the works of the law
4. Wanderings and coldness in prayer
5. To forget to watch for that I pray for
6. Apt to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have.
7. I can do none of these things which God commands me, but my corruptions will thrust in themselves. "When I do good, evil is present with me," Romans 7:21

These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with, yet the wisdom of God does order them for my good.
1. They make me abhor myself.
2. They keep me from trusting my heart
3. The convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteousness
4. They show me the necessity of flying to Jesus
5. They press me to pray to God
6. The show me the need I have to watch and be sober
7. And they provoke me to pray to God through Christ, to help me and carry me through this world."

That is me over and over again. I don't think there is anyone on this earth that could describe me better than this man has described himself. Perhaps this is the life of every christian. Maybe I'm not as alone as I think. Either way, Thank you God for giving us the writings of John Bunyan.